I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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