I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
