Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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