you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
