so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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