Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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