So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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