I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
