OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
