its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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