i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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