Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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