You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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