my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
