i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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