Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
