i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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