im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize