i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
