just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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