Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
