My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
