I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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