She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
