I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I bet he comes in French.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
