We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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