New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
