one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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