once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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