I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
