I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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