Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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