ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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