I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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