Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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