Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
My feet surprised me
Randomize
