So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize