She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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