You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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