I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize