guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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