i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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