How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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