The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
So here I am, sexting at work.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize