have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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