You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
