Porn is love you can see.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
