Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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