life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Be still, my beating vagina.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
