Me too!
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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