Can i not drive my cunt home
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
