I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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