Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Cover your peen. We're going out.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
