the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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