I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
