One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
