I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
