so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dignity is for republicans.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
