Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
