Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
