I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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