the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Randomize
