now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
